Sleeping With Ghosts
by runicmagitek
Summary: Sleep never came easy to Shepard, but thankfully she doesn't have to fight her demons alone. Femshep/Garrus


for heywizards on tumblr for the prompt - _It's okay. I couldn't sleep anyway._

* * *

It was always someplace familiar, yet not. The hollowed sensation in her stomach that she had been here plenty, but was never welcome. Fresh snow crunched beneath Shepard's boots as she peered past bare trees. The darkness and silence melded without a single breeze. She held her breath and waited for the flames to come. They always did.

This time, fire didn't greet her. Once more she flicked her eyes about, only to wonder if the snow coating the area was in fact ash.

A crack sounded beneath her and the ground collapsed to swallow her up. She thought she broke through ice cold water, but stars flooded her vision in the blackness. Struggling to breathe, Shepard flailed to reach the surface again. There was a crack in space, though _he_ stood there. And with a smug smirk, the Illusive Man extended a hand to her.

Between his sick attempt at compassion and the resounding boom of Reapers abruptly behind her, Shepard focused all her biotic energy into her fist and took aim at that fucking asshole's face.

She connected with something. A yelp stabbed her heart and forced her eyes open. A barren, burnt wasteland didn't lie before her; she was curled up in bed with the lights off and a certain turian groaning and clutching his face.

 _It was just a dream_ , Shepard chanted in her head in hopes to ward off the nausea which accompanied each nightmare upon waking. More so when she apparently decked her boyfriend square in the face.

"Shit," she blurted out. A soft, yet shaking hand settled into his shoulder. "Garrus, you okay?"

Rolling over onto his side to face Shepard, Garrus groaned. "Yeah, I'm _great_. Nothing to worry about here."

Shepard pouted. "I didn't mean to hit you."

"For someone who wasn't _trying_ to do so, you have a mean hook. I bet some people at Omega would be more than happy to employ you as some extra muscle." His hand dropped from his face and the dim starlight spilling into the room lit up his eyes. "Though I guess I shouldn't complain. I _have_ had worse."

Her fingers skimmed over his jaw to trace the scars there. "But are you sure you're alright?"

Garrus clamped a hand over hers. "I'm okay. I wasn't sleeping anyways."

Somehow she doubted that, but Garrus had a knack for brushing off concern. It had its charm, after all, yet Shepard continued to worry.

"Hey," he said, drawing out the words while pulling her into him. Their bare bodies touched, a reminder of how delightful their time was before falling asleep, though Shepard remained tense. "Enough about me. Are _you_ okay?" His forehead met with hers. "I'm all for you showing off your battle prowess in bed, but I don't recall signing off on masochistic activities."

She didn't need to tell him—he knew. Garrus always knew. But that was why he asked, for if he didn't, then Shepard was beyond content with wallowing in silence as the weight of the universe upon her shoulders crushed her soul. Sometimes it bothered her knowing how damn well he read her. Sometimes it was nice to know someone actually gave a shit for once.

Right then, she leaned towards the latter.

"Just another nightmare," she murmured. When he didn't respond, she continued. "It was... different this time. Nothing was burning and there were no screams. But now that I think of it, it was like everything had already burned and—"

She winced at the memory of the Illusive Man and the phantom echo of the Reapers. Warm arms enveloped her and squeezed her tight enough to anchor her into the moment, to remind her she wasn't a prisoner to her mind.

"None of that is here now," Garrus said. "Just you, me, some tangled sheets, a few pillows, and the stars. I don't know what sort of atrocities we'll be welcomed with when we wake up, but for now?" He kissed her forehead, then her nose, and finally her lips. "It can all wait."

"Yeah." Shepard released a shaky sigh. "Easier said than done sometimes."

"Well, that's why you gave your boyfriend the highly dangerous, covert task of making sure you find time to breathe."

She furrowed her brow, but her lips curled up, albeit slightly. "Did I, now?" Garrus nodded. "I don't recall ever doing such a thing."

"It's _fine_. We were caught up killing something annoying, anyways, and it just slipped out. I remembered, so that's all that counts."

"Uh-huh." Though the words fumbled out with a chuckle and she swore Garrus' gaze softened. "What?"

"You laughed."

"I don't know if that qualified as a laugh—"

"Good enough for me. Means I'm not failing my mission. Now come here."

While Shepard snickered to herself and rolled her eyes at his antics, Garrus maneuvered her onto her side. He embraced her from behind and buried his face into her neck. The soft kisses there pleaded for her muscles to relax, only to stop within the mess of red hair. He once told her he loved the scent of her hair. When she attempted to explain what vanilla and spices were, she decided one day she could bring Garrus to Earth and show him what these foreign things were.

Now she doubted they'd ever be able to do so.

A sad smile resided on her features. Luckily, Garrus couldn't see it.

"I'm here for you," he told her. "I always will be. That much will never change. Even if it means staying up with you all night, because your mind won't allow you to sleep." His fingers interlocked with hers and his voice was a soft breeze grazing past her ear. "I love you."

She hoped sleep swept her away. The morning presented far too many tasks to operate on sleep deprivation and coffee could only fix so much. But for now, she stopped focusing on those who looked to her for support, for guidance, and for hope.

She focused on the one who never stopped standing by her time and time again and how badly she wished to fight for that moment alone.

"I love you, too."


End file.
